Who She Wasn't
She was gorgeous in the light
A mask surrounding her eyes
Did not steal her momentum
Voice holds such power
She was walking in the dark
A hood encasing her features
Did not steal her aura
Hands hold such grace
She was lying in the sand
A ray of sunshine warming her skin
Did not steal her mystery
Shoulders hold such prestige
Rolled off her tongue
With a smile
She moved with the air
Her language flowed like a sonnet
They hid her world in the rhymes
They hid her
This woman was Amber
Was this woman Amber?
She stood at the edge of the ocean
Just listening to the waves
At the crack of dawn
She floated away from the shore
Past the city limits
Out of view
Into the horizon
Amber she was
Amber she wasn’t.
I saw what I wanted
And wanted what I saw.
What I didn’t see was what
“Amber, is it?”
“Ruby it might be.”
“Amethyst, with the whit?”
“Diamond, I perceive?”
Whoever finds will keep
Whoever keeps will never
Find what was truly there
I thought I had lost her
But I never had her
I had what I found:
A bottle of sunscreen
A name tag
A coffee order
A story I pieced together
For a woman who was real
For a woman with a different story
For a woman whose life was not
What I thought.
Leona Mary Simmons
That new guy, Mr. Larry.
His voice mocking,
When he’s talking.
As big as pies,
Changes to red, as the sun dies.
He a crook,
Walk by his house,
As quiet as a mouse,
And hear the screams bounce,
Like someone being sucked on by a louse.
Even when you’re sleepy,
It’s like a buzzing bee,
When the dark shadows becoming antsy.
“Cry, cry little sue,”
Let the tears fall, one by two,
Lips turning the darkest shade of blue.
There are many meanings,
As the wind sings,
Her voice it brings,
Deafening the ears of faraway kings.
Locked in a box
Suffocated by socks
A drift of air
A spiff of a dare
“Eleanor, I dare you to spend one hour in that box.”
Cramped in space
A touch of lace
A peek of light
“If you don’t do it, then that means you’re chicken!”
A bully for a sister
Rapid spit fire of a twister
I dare you to do this and that
I dare you to sit upon that cat
“Open the box and climb in; hurry!”
Time ticks away
On a warm summer May
Sitting here I pout
When shall I get out?
“Never,” a voice says.
A clang of a key
A slam of a door
Death, find me now
My head I bow
“How foolish I am.”
Eyes shedding tears
This is the end I fear
I have been deceived
By my own sister Eve
Bitter silky treat
Left in my seat
"I made that for you Lindsey,"
A dimpled smile,
Soon to turn bile
"Oh thank you, Dana!"
Just a hand toward the chair
One bite and I cringe
To the reaction of a twinge
"Do you like it?"
As to not hurt her feelings
I smile and lie about the unappealing
Sudden heat takes over me
And I collapse on the floor
"Have a nice death!"
A trick, a scheme! I've been bamboozled!
I lay there in a heap, baffled
She wanted me dead.
Why Cousin Dana, why?
Do you know why they only come at night?
The whispers, do you know why?
Because in the day, you are surrounded.
Surrounded by the light, and by people, and “happiness”.
But at night when everyone goes to sleep,
Here you lie awake in your bed.
Shivering, and unable to tune them out.
As they call to you.
There’s nowhere to hide at night.
They grab you, pulling your hair, and scratching your skin.
They scar you, leaving red marks.
Oh how you hope for day break.
The whispers, oh yeah. They’re getting louder, uh?
They want to make sure you hear them.
Isn’t it scary? How they force you do things you don’t want to do.
How they tell you lies, but you take them as the truth anyways.
Do you know why they make you do that?
The “things”, do you know why?
Because it’s nighttime, and you’re gullible.
And because they won’t release the chains, until you do.
Give me a flower and let me smell its beauty.
Give me a dime and let me count the dozens.
Give me a ship and let me sail the seas.
Oh give me something, and I’ll show you with ease.
A gift is worth a thousand dollars,
But a smile is worth more than the world.
A car is worth a hundred miles,
But a walk along the beach is worth a lifetime.
The shelter shields the homeless.
The house shields the family.
One’s a donor,
The other an owner.
Lend a hand,
Next time I’ll give you an arm.
Lend your heart,
Next time I’ll give you a life.
The light is too bright for me to pass.
But yet I am drawn to it at the same time.
It’s a double force of energy.
One says no, the other yes.
When everyone else fails you in life, read a book, or write one.
Your characters are forced to like you.
They will forever be with you.
Step back and take a look at what you've done. What you've said. Was it important? Was it valuable? Worth it? How can we stop ourselves from making these continuous mistakes?
I'm sorry I lied again. I apologize for falling under pressure. I see myself now and what I did wrong. Say nothing! Speak! Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut. My tracks were laid, but I took a left. I thought it was such a grand idea! I saw myself as taking control of the situation. How wrong I was. My ego nonetheless puffed out as others went along. I kept lying to the reflection staring patiently. The yearning for truth, stuck to her face brought me to my feet. I cannot bear it any longer. She wails silently and waits patiently. I owe it to her. I owe it to myself to stop the stories.
Always double check your words before they escape.
I am perturbed by my actions. They were cruel. Disheartening. Irrational. Rushed. Self-imposed. The lies comforted me. They swaddled my cold body and serenaded me to sleep. They were my comrades when no one wanted me. The lies fed my hunger for security. I kept running. Sprinting for the dark corner where my lies squeezed me tight and told me how awesome I was. The point where two walls met began to mold. A squishy, moist friend building its filth. Spreading right, left, up and down. Little droplets of secretion stuck to my fingerprints. Minuscule thick hairs sprouted from the droplets. A patch of dead grass prodding out my dermis layer. These were my friends. My family. The ones who cared. The ones who loved. But then the reflection had enough. She tore herself out of the mirror and ripped me from the dark corner. My home. I kicked and screamed, scratched at her innocent skin. Her patience had thinned out.
"Stop it! Get a hold of yourself!" she yelled.
I shook ferociously under her clenched hands digging into the spaces between my shoulder blades.
"Okay," I cried.
I owed it to her. I owed it to myself.
So I stopped.
Three hours of nothing but whispers
Deep nothing but darkness
Light nothing but the “street” lamp outside
Showers of shadows
Stomach growling like a hungry beast
I’m lost, Jesus.
I just want to sleep
Not roam the thoughts in my head once more.
The empty thoughts of nothing.
Nothing to nothing.
Headfirst into dreamland into a zone that lasts for only a few seconds.
Scenes of fantasy, realistic fantasy in a mind too often plagued by wonder.
A call to adventure, a subconscious call on a journey not too far.
All I have to do is close my eyes and drift to sleep…
But sleep never comes quickly enough! It never does!
It prods and teases me with laughter so bittersweet.
1 am still awake.
Darkness looms with flits of light through the illuminated blinds.
A fan turns into a spider with five legs and three eyes pinned on me.
The sliding mirror, partially hidden by a shelf.
Insomnia knocks on my door. “Do not enter,” I say.
She does anyway.
She cackles in my ear for minutes, an hour, and a couple of hours.
It’s a game to her.
She lets me fight the dragons in my subconscious adventure, awakening me when I’m about to slay the beast.
Waterfalls of sunshine splash onto my face.
The once illuminated blinds turn bland, the spider transforms back into a fan and the mirror revolves back to reality.
It’s 6-somehing in the morning...
On spring break.
Insomnia sings a hollow tune of mockery.
Day dreams arrive on cue to save me from boredom.
The whirring of a saw continuously distracts the fake life in my mind.
When will this end?
One day I found a way to keep Insomnia at Bay.
She seems to be destroyed by a full stomach.
Though that didn’t last long.
“You can’t hide from me,” she snarls. “I’m attached to you like a kidney.”
The steam rises to the sky
Like a charging knight
Running, there is nowhere to hide
Only forward to the impending fight
The sun watches in haste
The wind screams to no avail
The clouds cry at their resilience
The trees swinging to help
They see the fear drowning their irises
Their lives flashes before their very eyes
Bodies shivering and shaking like a bad virus
Then in the air, just as the steam dissipates, a sword flies
Dreams long forgotten
Hopes long lost
A blood vow given without consent
A binding promise they will break
It was something they never meant,
To give themselves up for auction for take
These ashes were a person
These bones were a living being
These pieces were whole
These tears were shed
Now you are decimated to a canister
Your existence formed into a necklace
A name hanging limply on a banister
A bouquet of flowers in a colorful vase
To commemorate you
To remember you
To have you
To be once again, with you
Above my heart
Is a start
To remember that
We are not too far apart